Particularly this year, I have thought often of a previous life I once knew, and Adele‘s Set Fire to the Rain embodies the sentiment for me. Even now, with much of that life now behind me, I occasionally still feel a strong connection to that past – longing for it sometimes. But that life was a lie – buried me in a false sense of security. Promised much in joyful peace and fulfilled very little – held me dependent on it. But I loved it; too much I did not want to know better. I wanted to believe it, in spite of the fallacy. Trusting like a child was easier – blinded to real life’s ugliness. Friends were mediocre and good-natured, accepting their fate without question and critical of any initiative. It was a life of modest equality. Why rock the boat? Why aspire more?
I do not hold such luxurious notions about life anymore, and the delusions they encourage. I see the world more dispassionately and for what it is – even in hope and aspirations. Rather than bury my head in the sand, I confront reality and its demons: mindful of what to expect from where and what I can or cannot do about it. Yet, in learning the truth I have forfeited the bliss and innocence of unawareness. And many times I quietly wonder, was it worth it?